and then it began....

So here I am. My first blog. Sharing my thoughts and my life with the world (okay, so the few that luck upon my site and start reading it!). Where does one even begin? What should I write about first? What would you like to read? How much of myself do I share on a public website? Those are questions I do not have the answers for. In fact, I don’t have a lot of answers right now. So beginning this blog will be for me. To put my thoughts into words in hopes that I will gain more knowledge from them. To open pathways to places I may not have considered without taking the time to ponder. Of course I hope that some of what I have to say finds its way to likeminded souls who can enjoy, learn from or just relate but I shall start with this….

I am on a quest to live freely. Without constraints of time or corporate dictation. I am a free spirit whose soul sometimes feels it’s going to burst if I do not get out and see the world. Take it all in. Enjoy the sights, the smells, the little things that life has to offer that in the end are the very things that have fulfilled us. I no longer want to sit and dream about freedom and living life to the fullest. I want to DO. I have not figured out how I am going to make this journey happen, but I have figured out that I MUST make this journey happen. I feel my soul is slowly dying inside from the stifled corporate, possession driven world I have spent so many years living in. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that per say. I spent years working very hard and living a very good life in the process. Yet there’s always been this emptiness. This longing, I could not figure out. I spent years trying to figure it out. Thinking I needed to go back to school, perhaps it was my marriage, perhaps it was being single and lonely, perhaps I was simply depressed. I now see that what I’ve been longing so much for was not ‘something’ in my life, but a new path. Freedom.

During this journey I want to share with you my ups and downs. The triumphs and struggles I’ve known in my life that led me to where I am now. The deep, soulful love I shared with my husband. The pride of going from a poor child in North Carolina growing up in a trailer, to the Manager of an Investment firm with a beautiful house in Scottsdale. The loneness and pain that is felt in your bones when you make a choice in life that you weren’t ready to make and spend years trying to come to terms with those choices and the pain they have caused. The true deep love that I’ve shared with my 11 year old Jack Russell Terrier, Riley that has changed me forever. What it’s like to be the social butterfly with all the life, zest and energy anyone could imagine only to become almost bed bound for a year while struggling with Lyme disease. And what it’s like to slowly re-gain your health and come to the realization that life is too short. There are too many wonderful things to experience in this world to sit on the sidelines hoping for “someday” or that winning lottery ticket, or whatever vessel you may have conjured up to get you out of where you are.

I’m tired of waiting for someday. Or for the winning lottery ticket, not to mention it’s quite difficult to win when you don’t play, isn’t that what they say? (By the way, who are THEY?... I’m tired of living life by what THEY say. I don’t even know who THEY are! When did THEY rule our world? Decide what is silly, or ridiculous, or immature, or unacceptable? I think I’m boycotting THEM. This is my life, it’s my dream. And this, is what I have to say. Holoholo wale...